Fear or Love?

Is it Fear or Love?

when i heard these words while watching the insane musical Tick Tick Boom, lights in my brain lit up like it does in the mentos ad. it was precisely what was going in my head for past couple of days.

For context, since the time i’ve started my professional journey, i’ve been a big proponent of enjoying the process and not go after goals, that was one of the main reasons i joined the field of ML because i just liked the process of everyday things in ML. I liked it so much that I was pulling 14-16 hours work days with the biggest smile and feeling of satisfaction on my face.

But sometime around pandemic the switched flipped and i became this result fearing anxious mess. Things became so bad that I’ve had 3 phases of burnout due to overexhaustion because my brain won’t stop spiralling over the potential catastrophic consequences of me watching TV for an hour instead of studying or working.

• pushed me to wonder how the thing i loved doing so much turned into a nightmare that i cant shake it off
• how things become so easier and free flowing when you love it
• ack that doing what you love is def a privilege many folks dont have
• the thing you love can def become a chore from time to time and its ok to take a backseat then and not force it
• and most important thing out of all this is be kind to yourself and allowing yourself the freedom to not do a thing if you dont feel like doing, because in the end you dont want it to become a chore and remember that you are doing because you love so you never have to force it.
• i’m still learning how to bring the love back and being kinder to myself because lot of times the standards i hold myself to are unreal